can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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