I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
