kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
