he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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