i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
