nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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