He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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