whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
