Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
