I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
