I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
