Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
