Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
