you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize