I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
