dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
