is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
