: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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