I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
