So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
