i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize