I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
