mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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