$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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