More tranny stories later!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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