Acid is not a monday night drug
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
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This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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