im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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