Michael Bay diarrhea
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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