You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
