Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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