So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
