it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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