Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
