David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
