you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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