you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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