I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
