32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
