redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
