You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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