Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
