i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
