Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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