Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
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no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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