you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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