I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
