the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
