maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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