oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
