she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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