Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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