i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
