The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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