It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
