so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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