Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
