Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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