no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
