mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
