it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How's work?
Spinning.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
