Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
