a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
