you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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