three words: i give head
three words: not that well
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad