Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends