I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
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Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
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It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"