I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
