I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
