Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
