he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
