I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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