some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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