I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
