So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
