You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
