im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
