plz talk dirty to me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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