I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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